I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
love makes seman taste better
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
