Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
