i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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