Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
