feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
