dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
