So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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