Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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