we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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