so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
