You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize