Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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