ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
