so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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