I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
