HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
