the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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