It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
