Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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