omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
