This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
