I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
