I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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