Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
