We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
