Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
