Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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