Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
