She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
