i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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