i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
