dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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