so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
