Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
