You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
