how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
