Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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