I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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