the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
