I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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