So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
