Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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