Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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