Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
