You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
