I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
