we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
