In the future we'll all be gay
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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