I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
