i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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