I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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