I was born with a shot glass in my hand
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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