Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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