Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
