hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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