Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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