Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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