I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
