Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
