and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
