is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
