3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
