I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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