instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
