Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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