oh god the rape fog is back!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
