Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
