ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I want is dick and wine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
