She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
